The Paper Box
by impressed
Summary: Edward and Bella has a great relationship, just starting out, but one day Bella just ups and leaves. Years later an angry Edward learns her side of the story. OOC/AH. Inspired by Sold, Sight, Unseen that's written by quothme. My first Fanfic ever.


The Paper Box

My hands gripped the letter I was holding tighter, and I could see the tears falling onto the paper, smearing the ink, rather than feel them running down my face. Both my body and my brain were completely frozen on the words of that I was eyeing right in front of me, and this was not a feeling that I, Edward Cullen, was used to feeling.

I was an old, happily married man. I had the most beautiful wife I could wish for in Tanya, and we had been happy together for 23 years now. We had three kids; two daughters and one son, of which the boy, Jacob, and the youngest girl, Victoria, had my wife's elegant looks with shiny ash-blond hair, heart shaped faces and pure, blue eyes. The oldest of our kids, Isabella, was the only one who looked one bit like me, but then again, with her unruly, coppery strays of hair, firm jaw and dark green eyes, she was a complete copy of me. I both loved and adored all my kids. They were now growing up, and becoming individual human-beings on their own travel of life. Normally I would have said that I hope their road was as nice and warm as mine had been, but with this letter between my fingers I caught myself hoping that none of my kids went down the same road as I once did.

xXxXx

The pain of the words I read was not just rushing over me. It penetrated my body, entered my veins and flowed through me like acid in my blood. It tore my heart into little pieces and it shattered every living cell that I had. The only thought I was able to come up with was: _it was a mistake, my marriage was a mistake._ The regret that I had never opened this box of stuff from her drained every single flicker of energy out of me. In the dark night that was upon me I sat alone in the big living room and I, a grown man of 52 years, cried my heart out. Relieving the pain that was in my body only by letting it pour like rain from my eyes and down onto my body again. The wetness of my shirt would only remind me of this horrible feeling as soon as I'd finally be able to stop crying.

_**My dearest Edward,  
I am so sorry to do it like this, to end this between us like this. But there is no other choice.**_

As I read the words she had once written for the umpteenth time, I finally allowed the memories to flow into my mind and crash over the safe island that was my life.

xXxXx

_She was gone. The love of my life was gone, forever. It was about a week ago now, but it was only beginning to dawn on me. My entire body was crushed together in a vacuum. I hugged my knees up to my chin as I felt the need to cry, but a lack of tears. Every muscle I had tensed up when I tried to push tears through my dried-up tear ducts. I was painfully aware that my entire family, consisting of my parents Carlisle and Esme, my brother Emmett and his fiancée Rose and my sister Alice, was watching me, but I simply couldn't care less. The emptiness that surrounded me was smothering and other people's presence didn't matter to me in that moment. There was no searing pain or heartfelt sorrow. I felt no madness or crazed anger like I had read about in books. The only thing I felt was a big, black nothing. Somehow she hadn't just left. She had taken every feeling I had in my body with her too. _

xXxXx

I was a doctor now. A grown man, and a strong one to, both physically and mentally. Both my parents had passed away a couple of years earlier. Esme had been the first to go, and after that it hadn't taken long before Carlisle had followed her, almost as if he was waiting to go himself, every second after she was gone. Their life had always been like that; together. But it didn't seem to matter how grown or strong I was now. She still had the same, incredibly strong hold on me.

_**I realize that you will not understand this. You will not understand what I am doing, but you must know that it is all for your sake. I am only doing it for you.**_

Slowly I pried my own fingers of the letter. It was as though letting go of the small sheet of paper meant letting go of my only thread left to keep me standing. To let the paper fall to the ground might have been the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, and that acknowledgement scared the shit out of me. I reached over and gripped the paper box that was standing next to me. It contained a lot of things. Things from my past, which I didn't necessarily want to see again, but now that I had had a glimpse of it I couldn't stop myself from roaming through the paper box' contents. I looked at old pictures and old objects from a life that had been taken away from me. It had been stolen by the person I shared it with, and the anger, as so many times before, overwhelmed me. I threw the old clock I was holding in my hands to the wall, and it shattered into pieces by the force of it. In my blind rage towards the woman I still loved I picked up the letter, ready to shred it into a million tiny pieces, but my hands were to slow. As soon as my eyes once again fell on her written words I couldn't do it. Another memory crashed over me with the force of a hurricane.

xXxXx

_It had been one of the longest days in my residency so far. I had always known it would be a hard time to get through, my father, the doctor, had warned me that the residency was indeed a living hell. And this day had been worse than any other. I would have sworn that my hair was tired, if I hadn't known that hair could not possibly be tired. Every muscle I had was aching, and I was looking forward to going home and collapsing in my bed. As I walked the short distance from the hospital to the apartment that I shared with my beloved I was in a complete haze, the tiredness had turned into numbness and the only thoughts that ran through my head was 'this has better be worth it' and 'at least I get to go home to a girl that loves me every day'. I locked myself into the small loft we had together and shouted a quick 'I'm home', without receiving any answer. Not that it scared me or anything; I was used to the silence as she was usually asleep when I came home after having a long day at work herself. I wandered into the kitchen and made myself a quick bite before I jumped into the shower. When I finished the shower I felt that I was really looking forward to snuggling up to my girl in our king size bed and have a good night's sleep, but as I entered the bedroom I faltered in my steps. She wasn't there. The only thing, except for the cover and pillows and stuff, which was in our bed, was a little piece of paper and a small velvet box. Not just a small velvet box either, but THE small velvet box. The box that I had hidden, and that contained the ring I planned to purpose to her with. I walked over to the bed and picked up the box, tentatively I opened it and saw that the ring was still in it, so I picked up the piece of paper and read her crushing words: 'I can't do this. It's over. Please don't contact me again, ever.'_

_A couple of days after she had left I was sitting in, what was now my, and not ours, living room. I was sitting there thinking about what I had done wrong, when there was a soft knock on my door. I sprang to it, just like I had jumped to the phone every time it had rung the last couple of days, in case it was her, but it wasn't. It was her father. A man that I had come to admire and care for over the years I had known her. He stood there with a sad look on his face and a big, brown paper box in his hands. 'I'm so sorry, son' was all he said to me before pressing the box into my arms and turning around to walk away again. _

xXxXx

_**You must know that I could never give you the life you wanted. I come from a broken home, Edward, and I will always be terrified of commitment. I will never be able to give you the marriage, the white-picket fence or the beautiful children that you want. And you will never be happy without them. So, I am leaving you to spare you from resenting me the rest of our life together. **_

What she didn't know was that I would have taken anything, as long as it was with her. I would have lived on the streets, as long as it was with her. I didn't need the white dream house with the big porch and a lawn. I didn't need a white picket fence and a dog barking in the yard. I didn't even need kids, if I only had her.

xXxXx

_We walked into my parent's home, and I could tell she was nervous. She was gripping my hand like it was her only lifeline left. I looked over at her, and she smiled meekly at me, a smile that said 'this is scaring the living hell out of me, and you better not laugh about it.' As I helped her out of her coat I could hear my sister's voice coming closer to the hallway, and I wanted to tell my girl that this was the scary part. Meeting my tiny, but scarily energetic and crazy baby sister Alice. I small frame with black hair and white dress burst through the door and within some blurry seconds was hugging my girl. And she looked terrified. My sister smiled up at her and simply said 'we are going to be best friends.'_

xXxXx

They really had become best friends. My sister was a force to reckon with and I knew for a fact that even after she left, my forgiving sister kept in touch with her. I made sure to ask once in a while how she was, if my girl had gotten the life she had wanted. It scared me that my family would show up at my doorstep tomorrow to celebrate my daughter's birthday, and I would have to tell them all of what I had found out tonight. I didn't know how I would tell every member of my family without Tanya knowing. But it was crucial that she didn't know, because I felt she would not be happy about the fact that I was spending our daughter's birthday talking about my ex-girlfriend. A girl that I still obsessed with and a girl that I still cried about.

_We were at a bar. And we were dancing. My girl loved to dance, and I loved to dance with her. Surrounded by our friends that were also dancing I couldn't help but think how lucky I was. She laughed at something that her friend Angela said and the sound of her laugh ripped me out of my train of thought. My eyes found hers and she was smirking up at me, a look I knew all too well. I took her into my arms and we started backing out of the crowd while waving our goodbyes. Once out on the streets her mouth attacked mine and I happily obliged. The best feeling in the world was kissing my girl, and knowing that no one else would get to feel that way with her. Because we loved each other. We hauled a cab, and tried as best as we could to keep our hands from each other the entire ride home. As soon as we entered the apartment we started tearing at each other's clothes. And we didn't make it further than to the kitchen before we were all legs tangled together in sweat on the floor. Of course, that was only the first round of the night. We would never be satisfied with just one._

xXxXx

As a married man I should probably say that my wife is the best sex I ever had, but I don't lie. My girl was the best, most mind-blowing and extraordinary sex I ever had.

_**My dearest, beloved Edward. You must know that I am leaving because I love you. I wish you to have the best life, the life I can't give you. But know this; for as long as my heart beats it will be beating for you, and you alone. Every breath I take will bear the whisper of my love for you, every move I make will carry with it my longing to be in your arms. I will never give anyone my heart the way I gave it to you. **_

I knew for a fact that my girl never got married, Alice told me. I knew everything about her life from my sister, and I guess she knew everything about mine as well. Alice told me once that she had said she was happy that I had married and gotten kids. Somehow that broke my heart ever the more. Some months ago I had once again asked my sister about her, but she had only started crying and told me that my girl had now broken it off with her as well. She would not answer phone calls and she had moved away with no forwarding address.

My hands rumbled through the big box again and I picked up a photograph. It wasn't a big deal, like a wedding photo or anything, but I could tell exactly when and where it was taken. It showed me and my girl, standing in a clearing in the woods. Alice had taken it once, as a surprise. My girl was standing with her back to me, pointing to the sky and looking up at it with a small smile ghosting over her lips. I never knew what she was looking at because my eyes were closed and my nose buried in her hair. The slight breeze of that day was playing with the end of her white dress and my hand was playing with the edges of her hair. She looked like the perfect picture of childish joy over the summer. And I looked like I was madly in love with her. The picture spoke more than thousand words and shoved everything that I had known. The only thing it left out was the one thing that I until this day had always doubted; her love for me.

xXxXx

_Ted's was a shady place for a 17 year old kid to spend his Saturday night, but Emmett and James had dragged me along with them. The atmosphere in the bar was dark and low key, with dimmed lights and a live blues player sitting by a baby wing piano. The only places more uncomfortable to spend time at right now would be the stark cold streets, or at home with the parents that had just caught me drinking for the first time. Ted's was definitely the best option of the day. I was standing in the hallway outside the toilets, only stopping dead in my tracks to check who had sent me a text, as a door swung up and hit me hard in the back of my head. I hate to admit that I had a habit of cursing, and at that moment my habit showed its ugly head. With some really bad expletives I stumbled to the floor. The sinner of the whole throwing the door into my skull rushed to my side. A beautiful, brown haired girl was suddenly crouching beside me and saying something that I missed in my shock of seeing her. She was the most amazing creature I had ever seen; in her knee-high fuck me boots, black miniskirt and white top that showed just enough cleavage. Already then I knew it: I was in love. I stopped her rambling apologies and said something stupid like 'the best apology would be to let me buy you a drink.' This magnificent creature laughed softly and helped me up, before leading me to the bar, where she herself paid for our drinks._

xXxXx

A slight, warm breeze from an open window somewhere in the room caught into some papers sitting on the coffee table and some of them landed on the floor in front of me. My eye caught the tiny piece of newspaper cut-out that had led me to look into the box. Her obituary. From what I could read in the obituary she had been ill for a while. It hit me that she had probably been ill since around the time she cut Alice out of her life. This was not something I looked forward to let my sister, who loved my girl almost as much as I did myself, know.

A soft voice from the doorway dragged me back to the real world. "Are you coming to bed soon, honey?" I looked over at my wife, and then at the mess around me, deciding that I would clean up in the early morning, before anyone else got up. Before I got up and let the letter I was holding fall to the ground I allowed my eyes to ghost over the final words she had written.

xXxXx

_**I love you. Always. Forever.  
Yours,  
Bella.**_


End file.
